Just read your blog and it all reads very much in context. Dont forget that already some of the readings leave you feeling traumatised and guilty for who and what you are, it is important for you to stretch your mind to these and find your own personal route through them. It is also to very important to understand the writers and philosophers behind these texts and recognise where they were placed in social history as this gives you a greater understanding regarding referencing it to today. A great artist and friend Sharon Kivland for example is a scholar who has studied Freud for a number of years but responds as a female (perhaps feminist?) stance and makes work in response to Freud’s thinkings based around hysteria and women. Its serious but very tongue in cheek and is a great artist to know his texts inside out yet dispute them in todays society. Remember this is how you form your opinions and it is ok to disagree with a good supporting educated argument!
Well done so far, you are grasping the contexts of the work well.
I think my tutor makes a good point, I think it is important to be objective about the things you read and take on the information in a way that isn’t damaging to your own self esteem. However, in my defence, I was trying to write as reflectively as possible, maybe I over did it a bit. But the context for what I have been writing in my blog over these past months is the following:
Since beginning the course I have found that a lot of the belief systems have begun to break down, I think this is really positive but it’s hard to deal with sometimes and I think this has been reflected in my work. I do take things to heart, as I learn new ideas I see more failings in myself. I am aware of this. But as I’m trying to open up on this very public space I think honesty is the best policy and so yes I have to admit that I have allowed the readings to make me feel bad about myself. But that’s because that’s where I am right now in my personal growth. I’m learning to accept myself for who I am as a person and as an artist, and it’s hard going. What makes my situation all the more intense and emotional is that I have an 18 month old daughter who is constantly testing me and making me question really fundamental things. This is one of the hardest times in my life, although bizarrly I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am now. I’m trying to reshape my approach to life, to myself and how I relate to others and my artwork. I’m learning about unconditional love. It’s just all quite overwhelming, but it’s where I am right now and if this course is helping me to move forward then that’s great.
Going back to my tutor’s comments. I looked up the work of Sharon Kivland and I could see straight away what my tutor was getting at. I think Kivland’s appraoch is genius and obviously I felt really intimidated. I’m really trying. That’s all I can say. It’s not easy to go back to education after and extended period and I think it is intimedating. From the outset I’ve been surprised at how much difficulty I’ve been having trying to make sense of the articles.